14 06 2011

Okay not really, but HOW FREAKING AWESOME would it be if I had? I’m pretty sure we sang EVERY SINGLE SONG from The Lion King over and over again on Safari. And literally everything we saw, we had to reference it back to something we had seen in The Lion King (TLK – and yes it needs to be acronym-ed because I will be referencing it constantly) . Definitely necessary.

So on Friday morning bright and early we left Arusha and headed towards Tarangire. It reminded me A LOT of the Pride Lands from TLK. It was pretty flat, and went on forever. There were trees here and there, but it was pretty much just some tall grasses and a whole lot of desert. There were about 129047294953457219845734901537 zebras and wildebeest. SO COOL. But honestly, there’s only so many black and white animals you can see before it gets a little monotonous. So to make things easier I’ll just list out the animals we saw


  1. Wildebeest – SO MANY
  3. Elephants – So… there were these massive elephants that like walked right in front of our Safari Truck. We ended up following them for a while. SO FREAKING COOL.
  4. Lion (Simba) – IT WAS EATING A ZEBRA OMFG
  5. Monkeys – Lots of types
  6. Birds – So many, and so pretty!
  7. Giraffes – So cool! And shy.

LAKE MANYARA – It was (obviously) a lake, so there were trees galore! But we actually didn’t see a whole lot here.

  1. Baboons – SOOOOOO MANNNYYYYYYY. And there were so many little babies. ADORABLE.
  2. Elephants
  3. Wildebeest
  4. Giraffes
  5. Birds
  6. Warthogs (Pumba)
  7. HIPPOS – They were far away, BUT little known fact: Hippos kill more people in a year than any other African animal. They are INCREDIBLY territorial, and will not hesitate to eat your face off.
  8. Yellow Bellied Bustard – I SWEAR that’s actually the name haha.

NGORONGORO CRATER – Okay so the crater is literally a huge crater. Way back in the day (like… before the Atari and shit), it was a massive volcano. The volcano erupted, wrecked a whole bunch of shit up (like Liam Neeson in EVERY MOVIE EVER), and turned into a huge gaping hole (LOLZ). You have to go up to the top from the outside, then go down again on the inside. This… was the best day. Hands freaking down. Keep reading and you will see why.

  1. Buffalos – LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS.
  2. Zebras – I literally pet one out the window. And then it tried to kick me. But omg so many
  3. Wildebeest – Little known fact: Wildebeest and zebras hang out together because the wildebeest is good at finding water and the zebra is good at detecting predators. So basically they’ve created a natural little gang (like the Crips)
  4. Giraffes
  5. Cheetah – I was craving Cheetos for some reason 🙂
  6. Rhinos – SO COOL. But they were far away and literally just sat there
  7. Hyenas – We kept seeing packs of 3 which is TOTALLY like TLK. Also, hyenas kill the baby girls because they’re a matriarchal society, which is why the female hyena in TLK was the leader of the pack! Also I have a video of the female crunching on the leg of a wildebeest haha.

And because it was so cool, I have to have a separate entry for it. We saw over 15 LIONS WOOOOOOO!! The first 2 lions we saw were a male and a female together. They were just sleeping in the middle of the road, so we were like RIGHT next to them. So as we’re all freaking out over how close they are, the male lion WAKES UP. He’s just checking out the 15 safari cars that are by him, and he’s so unconcerned with everything. Our car was like RIGHT by the female to the point where all I had to do was stick my hand out of the window and I would be touching her. So, retard that I am, I stick half my body out of the window to try and get a picture next to her. I got yelled at by every single safari driver there, and then was forced to roll up the window haha. So like I said in my earlier entry, I would have been one of the 99 people out of 100 that gets eaten by a lion. But anyway, the male lion gets up and actually walks to our car… not to eat us but to sit in the shade of our shadow. Basically, it was the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me.

So anyway, that was safari! It was totally worth every penny (thanks mom&dad!!!). The food was awesome, and we got to sleep in a tent under the stars. The water we used to shower was brown though… so that was weird. But everything else rocked my socks off! If you guys ever have the opportunity to go on safari, TAKE IT. And take me with you too 🙂

So I’ll try and post again soon because I really want to talk about a phenomenon called “This is Africa” or “T.I.A.”, but I want to spread out my posts haha because I’m not interesting enough to be funny for that long. But yeah, definitely email me if you want to know more about anything! MISS YOU ALL!



Peeing VS Untucking

9 06 2011

So Tanzania is still pretty awesome, but is sort of starting to get on my nerves at times…


Seriously. Stop.

Everywhere you go in the city, random people come up to you and ask you how you are and where your from BLAHBLAHBLAH. Then they unroll these little bamboo mats they have and show you the 91237939407124 paintings that either they or their brother has done, and would we maybe like to purchase one. Well unless all black people are related (like all Asians), THEN YOUR BROTHER DID NOT PAINT THESE. I have deduced this fact from the experience of having been shown maybe 1923801230821 paintings that ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME.

So unless I literally see you (or your brother) painting it on the side of the street in front of me: I. DO. NOT. WANT. IT.

On another note, I’ve taken to telling Africans that both Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan are my cousins, and that I am a master at Kung Fu. Oddly enough, I think they actually believe me. Obviously my popularity in Tanzania is rising daily.

Just to answer a few questions about my situation here: I am not by myself! So never fear! There are other Americans with me that are also experiencing the awesomeness and shittyness of Tanzania. Actually, we’re all going on Safari together tomorrow. WOOOOOOOOOO!

Itinerary of Safari Trip:

Friday: Tarangire

Saturday: Lake Manyara

Sunday: Ngorongoro Crater

I’m so freaking excited! There are going to be 7 of us going, and hopefully we’ll get to see the Big Five which include:

Lions, Leopards, Rhinos, Buffalos, & Elephants

The guide told us that only 99 out of 100 people get eaten by a Lion. Obviously he was joking… I think. Tanzanian humor doesn’t get translated that well into English…

But anyway, that’ll be super fun. I’ll just try and refrain from parading myself in front of any deadly predators.


So now I’ve finally figured out the system of the electricity at the house. The electricity will go out anywhere from 6pm-7pm (time of reckoning). If the lights go out, then they will be out all night and all day until around 3pm where they will miraculously come on again. They will then stay on all night until about 6-7pm where once again they will go out. So basically, electricity sucks here, and is only on at night every other day. But you get used to it. If you actually want to take a hot (lukewarm) shower, prime showering time is around 5:30pm.
Also, I would like to explain to you readers the phenomenon of the mosquito net. If any of you have every legitimately had to use one, then I feel for you. Every night before bed I have to tuck the net around my bed, which takes anywhere from 2 minutes to 20 minutes (depending on my mood, as well as if any bugs have entered my domain during the day). Sometimes I forget to use the bathroom beforehand, and then it’s a struggle of wills: Peeing VS Untucking.

I have to weigh the options between using the bathroom, which means I have to untuck all of my hard tucking work, or staying in my nicely tucked bed with the fear of pissing myself in the night. Honestly, at this point I can’t really tell you which one I usually choose. It’s been about 50/50 thus far, and will probably stay at those odds for the foreseeable future.

Also, I’ve officially decided I hate both monkeys and dogs. All freaking night the monkeys are either jumping up and down on the roof (which is made out of sheet metal), or screaming out mating calls (and yes I’ve had this confirmed). The dogs, who are attack dogs (O.O) bark all night at the jumping/mating monkeys. Therefore ALL NIGHT LONG it is a jungle cacophony of dogs and monkeys yapping and screeching away at each other. Obviously this is incredibly conducive to sleep. NyQuil and Benadryl have become my two new best friends. They are perhaps the only things I would untuck for.

But besides the annoying things about Life in Africa, it’s still pretty damn cool. The next installment will hopefully be filled with wondrous accounts of the animals and scenery from my Safari. If not, then I will literally kill someone. Or a monkey.