Peeing VS Untucking

9 06 2011

So Tanzania is still pretty awesome, but is sort of starting to get on my nerves at times…


Seriously. Stop.

Everywhere you go in the city, random people come up to you and ask you how you are and where your from BLAHBLAHBLAH. Then they unroll these little bamboo mats they have and show you the 91237939407124 paintings that either they or their brother has done, and would we maybe like to purchase one. Well unless all black people are related (like all Asians), THEN YOUR BROTHER DID NOT PAINT THESE. I have deduced this fact from the experience of having been shown maybe 1923801230821 paintings that ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME.

So unless I literally see you (or your brother) painting it on the side of the street in front of me: I. DO. NOT. WANT. IT.

On another note, I’ve taken to telling Africans that both Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan are my cousins, and that I am a master at Kung Fu. Oddly enough, I think they actually believe me. Obviously my popularity in Tanzania is rising daily.

Just to answer a few questions about my situation here: I am not by myself! So never fear! There are other Americans with me that are also experiencing the awesomeness and shittyness of Tanzania. Actually, we’re all going on Safari together tomorrow. WOOOOOOOOOO!

Itinerary of Safari Trip:

Friday: Tarangire

Saturday: Lake Manyara

Sunday: Ngorongoro Crater

I’m so freaking excited! There are going to be 7 of us going, and hopefully we’ll get to see the Big Five which include:

Lions, Leopards, Rhinos, Buffalos, & Elephants

The guide told us that only 99 out of 100 people get eaten by a Lion. Obviously he was joking… I think. Tanzanian humor doesn’t get translated that well into English…

But anyway, that’ll be super fun. I’ll just try and refrain from parading myself in front of any deadly predators.


So now I’ve finally figured out the system of the electricity at the house. The electricity will go out anywhere from 6pm-7pm (time of reckoning). If the lights go out, then they will be out all night and all day until around 3pm where they will miraculously come on again. They will then stay on all night until about 6-7pm where once again they will go out. So basically, electricity sucks here, and is only on at night every other day. But you get used to it. If you actually want to take a hot (lukewarm) shower, prime showering time is around 5:30pm.
Also, I would like to explain to you readers the phenomenon of the mosquito net. If any of you have every legitimately had to use one, then I feel for you. Every night before bed I have to tuck the net around my bed, which takes anywhere from 2 minutes to 20 minutes (depending on my mood, as well as if any bugs have entered my domain during the day). Sometimes I forget to use the bathroom beforehand, and then it’s a struggle of wills: Peeing VS Untucking.

I have to weigh the options between using the bathroom, which means I have to untuck all of my hard tucking work, or staying in my nicely tucked bed with the fear of pissing myself in the night. Honestly, at this point I can’t really tell you which one I usually choose. It’s been about 50/50 thus far, and will probably stay at those odds for the foreseeable future.

Also, I’ve officially decided I hate both monkeys and dogs. All freaking night the monkeys are either jumping up and down on the roof (which is made out of sheet metal), or screaming out mating calls (and yes I’ve had this confirmed). The dogs, who are attack dogs (O.O) bark all night at the jumping/mating monkeys. Therefore ALL NIGHT LONG it is a jungle cacophony of dogs and monkeys yapping and screeching away at each other. Obviously this is incredibly conducive to sleep. NyQuil and Benadryl have become my two new best friends. They are perhaps the only things I would untuck for.

But besides the annoying things about Life in Africa, it’s still pretty damn cool. The next installment will hopefully be filled with wondrous accounts of the animals and scenery from my Safari. If not, then I will literally kill someone. Or a monkey.